First of all, I would like to say a huge happy hello to all new subscribers. It’s wonderful to have you here!
Second of all, I wanted to let you know that I will be making a slight change to my last post of the month. Those of you who have been here a while will know that at the end of each month I write my ‘moments of the month’ where I share little insights into what I’ve been up to along with books I’ve read and other recommendations. From now on these are going to change to ‘A moment with …’ and each month will have a topic I delve into. These posts may eventually be available to paid subscribers only but I'm still going back and forth on that!
I would also like to continue sharing the books I’m reading so I’ve set up a new section, Lyndsay’s Library, where I will share random posts for book recommendations and my current reading list.
I love how we have this space to experiment and try new things. If for some reason this change doesn’t work or it doesn’t feel quite right, then we’ll change it up again. I would love to know your thoughts on all of this so please drop me a comment below or reply via email with any feedback or suggestions. And if you do wish to support me and my writing, you can upgrade to become a paid subscriber for just £5 a month.
But for now, I hope you enjoy this weeks letter 💜
Hello lovely reader
The other day, my husband raised an eyebrow when I announced to him that I was setting myself a challenge of leaning into patience.
“How can you lean into something you have nothing of?”
“Well, I do have some patience,” I replied. “Just not as much as I would like.”
Hence the challenge of leaning into it.
His eyebrow raised again, accompanied by the look of what can only be described as those skeptical hippo eyes.
“Okayyy. Well, let me know how that goes for you.”
Nothing like the support of a loving husband. But I do see his point. He is a person who has spent a lot of time with me these past nine years and probably knows me more than anyone else. I would say he has the right to be skeptical. But who doesn’t love a bit of skepticism to add fuel to the fire of a challenge?
Patience is defined as ‘the capacity to tolerate delays, problems or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.’
Hmm, well that definitely could be describing me…
Sometimes towards the end of a run I find myself willing it to end as I become increasingly impatient for my watch to notify me that the required amount of kilometres (and suffering) is now complete.
When I’m nearing the end of a book, my eyes begin to rush over the words, eager to find out how it all ends.
I avoid yin yoga where you have to hold postures for what feels like forever and I sometimes naughtily skip the shavasna in my home yoga sessions.
I get impatient when I write, my hand unable to keep up with the pace of my thoughts.
I get impatient waiting for people, blaming it on the other persons lack of organisation or competence or whatever else.
I get impatient in my life, wishing for the current chapter to finish so the next one can begin.
I find waiting hard. I want things to just hurry up. I worry that there isn’t enough time. I don’t have time to suffer at the end of this run. I don’t have time to hold that yoga pose for 60 seconds. I don’t have time to wait for you if you are running late. I don’t have time to sit in this traffic jam or this queue or for you to answer my email.
Don’t you know that time is precious?
I have this feeling of time running out. And it’s this feeling which leads me to rush, to me trying to get everything complete in this period of time which I have made up for myself, an arbitrary figure pulled from thin air. I hear myself say on multiple occasions “but we don’t have enough time!”. You can only imagine how many times my dear husband has heard me utter those few words.
It’s in those moments that I realise I’m wishing my life away, too concerned with the desire to move onto the next thing then to enjoy what is happening in the present. This behaviour has become ever more apparent to me over the past year, the travelling bringing with it a rude awakening. But if there is one thing that will help you improve your patience, it’s travelling. So many things happen which are outside of your control and you just have to handle it. You have no choice but to slow down, to relinquish your tight grip of control, to go with the flow. It’s led me to make a conscious effort to reduce my impatient behaviour and to instead enjoy the moment I’m in a little more, to be in the present. I want to take in what’s happening in the here and now as opposed to experiencing those feelings of impatience which inevitably lead me to getting frustrated or anxious.
I’ve read that there are three types of patience:
Interpersonal patience - patience with other people, their demands and their failings.
Life hardship patience - patience to overcome a serious setback in life or the patience to work towards a long time goal such as a promotion.
Daily hassles patience - impatience due to circumstances beyond your control such as being stuck in traffic, waiting for a computer to load.
I can honestly say, I’ve experienced a lack of patience with all three of these to varying degrees. I would also argue that the ability to be patient is certainly not helped by the modern world which is full of instant communication and where we have immediate access to the majority of things. How can we expect to wait for things when at the click of a button we can have the very thing we want in an instant, or near as damn it?
I think back to when I started this Substack. I was eager, hungry, restless, to hit a certain number of subs. I craved that instant gratification as I checked my count near on daily. I soon realised however that it was doing me no favours so I stopped. What did I think would happen when I hit 100 subs? Ok, it was a wonderful feeling (as if 100 people want to read what I have to say!) but nothing drastic changed and now, naturally, I’m chasing that next milestone.
I remember when we bought our first home (and I’m sure even the most patient of people can relate to what I’m about to say!) and we had to wait *patiently* for the process to complete. I would be thinking constantly how much is too much chasing of the solicitor and why on earth are these people who charge an insane amount of money so slow and incompetent? Not knowing what was happening, being kept in the dark, only stoked the flame within.
I’m also a sucker for punctuality and I’m not a fan of lateness or tardiness or flakiness. If I say 1pm, I mean 1pm, and I’ll be the person who turns up on time or perhaps even early if you’re lucky. I often feel my foot starting to tap as I wait, wait and wait some more.
I would say that, luckily, my impatient nature doesn’t lead me to making rash decisions, which can be a symptom for some people. I tend to feel the pain internally, the knot in my stomach, my muscles tightening. I can sometimes get frustrated at people if they are running late (ask my husband or any other person who knows me well) but I would say that, over the years, there are times where I have had to learn to be more patient. For example, you can’t be an effective people or project manager without it as you are dealing with a variety of people and many factors which are outside of your control. I sometimes used to think that I used up all of my patient energy at work so my personal life became bone dry as a result. I no longer have that excuse.
Over the past few months I’ve had the opportunity to take a step back and reflect on the situations that cause me to lose my patience. I can appreciate now that there is power in delayed gratification, that learning to not be in control and to have self-control is admirable, that you can’t control other people or expect them to be the same as you. It actually makes me think of the ‘Let Them’ Theory I wrote about a couple of months ago.
There is a reason we are told that “patience is a virtue” and it’s because it is absolutely true. Being patient, being able to wait for something without becoming frustrated, is a valuable character trait. Being patient also leads to a less stressful life as you become better equipped to deal with challenging situations.
Patience is quiet hope and trust that things will turn out right. You wait without complaining. You are tolerant and accepting of difficulties and mistakes. You picture the end in the beginning and persevere to meet your goals. Patience is a commitment to the future.1
So I will continue to practise the art of patience, to reap the benefits of patient behaviour and to prove my loving husband wrong. I can’t wait to see the look on his face when I do!
Much love always
Lyndsay
xx
I found this online and it really resonated with me! I hope it does with you too.
Great read, Lyndsay!
I’m trying to embrace enjoying the moment and the process of certain things I’m doing.
When I was teaching full time, I was constantly wishing time away in order to get to the next school holiday when things would calm a little. After a while I realised that I hated living like this. Having given up that way of life, I feel more at peace with my days and so far am not wishing time away.
It’s hard to change our ways, but I think having such strong self-awareness is a very good first step. You clearly know yourself well which means you can make incremental adjustments.
Enjoy Morocco! Looking forward to reading about your trip.
What a brilliant piece Lyndsay! I can’t believe you sometimes skip savasna - that’s where the dream world and all the reassurance lives! 😉✨ 💎 🦄
✨🙏