I wade in, the cool water tickling my ankles, the moist sand squelching beneath my toes. I step tentatively, avoiding stones and shells and any creature that could puncture my skin. The sun is not yet fully high in the sky but the heat is high enough to warrant the coolness of a dip. The water soon reaches my knees, the salty sweat from my morning run mixing with that of the sea. Eventually I stop and without hesitation my bum is hitting the surface, legs flailing out ahead. I notice my coral nails bobbing against the blue like baby fish coming up for air. I lay back, my head shattering the surface behind me, my hair spilling out all around. As the water hugs my body and I breath in the sea air, the pureness permeating my nostrils, my mind begins to quieten. There is nobody else around; just me and the deep blue sea and the array of mussels which cling to the rocks to my left.
When I think of my travels over the past few months, this is a moment I always come back to. It wasn’t ground-breaking, I hadn’t done anything adventurous. It was simple, meditative. I had given myself over to the sea. The sea, my happy place, grounding me as I look upon its vast expanse, reminding me of how insignificant I am. I suppose sort of in the same way when you look up to a night sky to observe the infinite universe which we are only a teeny tiny speck of.
I remember thinking that morning that I was stumbling across something special, a defining moment that was not to be wasted. But then I carried on with my day, the thoughts frittering away to another place, like a bird leaving the nest for a little while. But one day it needs to come back. And maybe it’s because we are making our way home in a few weeks after a period of long-term travel that this very thought is returning to me.
Do we have many such defining periods in our lives? I suppose they can happen after a significant life event such as a loss of a loved one or a dramatic change in circumstances. We may look at life differently and make changes as a result. But what happens when we create the change ourselves, when we don’t need a big bang trigger to be the catalyst? What happens when we gift ourselves an opportunity?
This year was meticulously created by my husband and I; our thoughtfully planned great escape. And with that great escape has come a gift to be opened, an offering to be curious about. Between us we’ve carefully unwrapped the ribbon, peeled back the corners, and we’ve begun to shed the many layers which have built up over the years: the layers of conformity, of routine, of reliance, of supposed contentment and success. The gift has enabled us to go back to basics, to strip it all bare. And now we are adding new layers, with plans to rebuild our lives as we see fit, taking in all the elements, wrapping together all the layers, of the life we want to live. We are creating the gift we want to gift ourselves.
Personally, I’m redefining what fulfilment and contentment mean to me and how I can better seek them within my own life. I’m also redefining what success means to me and what I want my achievement of success to look like in the future. I’ve gone from a house-owning career woman spending my money in material ways whilst being surrounding by familiar comforts, to living in a van, exploring, learning more about the world and myself, no routine or stability or home comforts. My aim is to take the pros from each of these lives and build myself a perfectly curated corner of the world in which I can live in; successfully, peacefully.
I feel I’m on the cusp of something, that I’m teetering on the edge of that defining moment I thought about many months ago. And whilst I know I can’t control everything that is going to come my way - life has a way of throwing you unexpected curveballs - I truly believe that the art is in the trying and the rewards are hidden in the willingness to not give up.
Thank you lovely readers for joining me this week! To be honest, this week felt more of a rambling journal entry than a thoughtfully curated newsletter article. I hope you’ve enjoyed seeing a glimpse into my thoughts and I can’t wait to share more of my journey with you. Much love!
Wow, what amazing thoughts! I think in much the same way as you do. I also realize that when I look at the sea, it stretches so far beyond the horizon that I can't see it with my own eyes. I am but a grain of sand in space, and my worries are so small in comparison.
And the questions you ask keep me wondering. Why do we think of change as if it only happens in colossal situations? We are capable of creating that situation ourselves, yes, it takes a strong will, but we are capable of it.
Thank you for filling my day with thoughts.
I look forward to hearing which parts of your lives you're choosing to pull together in your next chapter - if you're sharing anything about this here! :)