Celebrating three years of marriage

Wedding day memories, lessons from marriage and a little love poem for good measure!

Hello lovely readers

In a few days, my husband and I will be celebrating three years of marriage. A quick search tells me that leather is the gift for making it this far, it apparently symbolising the flexibility and durability of your relationship. I suppose, when you think about it, leather which is looked after can age well and rather beautifully, a trait you hope for any long term relationship. We’re one of those couples though who don’t buy gifts and I’m not even sure where we will be celebrating on the day. Somewhere in France I hope where we can raise a cool glass of rosé to ourselves.

As we approach this anniversary, I wonder to myself why I ever wanted to get married. As someone who grew up in households of divorce and step-families you would think the very thought of marriage would raise eyebrows of skepticism, nicely wrapped up with my decision to be child-free. But for some reason, it wasn’t. I always knew one day I would be a wife, that I wanted to create something, to be part of a team, a partnership. I wanted to be a wife to a husband, the spouse of another, to create a life for two. I wanted that person to share a life with, wholly, fully, faithfully, until death do us part. One could argue that I could have have all of those things without the need for a marriage certificate. I could be the partner, albeit without being a mrs, and still feel part of something. But I wanted to seal the deal, to commit that one step further.

I just really wanted to be a wife, ok!

And more specifically, I wanted to be a wife to the man I met back in the autumn of 2014.

One thing I certainly didn’t dream about as a young girl and beyond was a big white wedding. You see, I wanted to be a wife but without all the fuss. The traditional wedding spurred within me feelings of pressure, of drama I didn’t want to face. I also had better things I wanted to spend my money on. This isn’t to say that I don’t understand why other people want to have their big day, sharing their celebrations with their nearest and dearest. It just wasn't for me. And thankfully it wasn’t for my husband either.

Instead we planned a simple affair, inviting only our immediate families to an intimate gathering at Brighton Town Hall followed by dinner and drinks. My new husband and I would then jet off to Canada for a honeymoon of a lifetime. What I should add here is that all of this was planned for June 2020, and, well, reader, we all know what happened that year don’t we? The torment of watching your wedding and honeymoon being turned into an unobtainable desire was unpleasant to say the least. When would we actually be able to get married? How were we going to get married? Do we wait or do we just go for it? We were thankfully able to secure refunds for the honeymoon and we made the decision to rebook the wedding for August 2020; no family, just us and our witnesses.

Being married was more important to us than anything else.

And now, here we are, three years later. Husband and wife.

I love this photo of us and I adored my wedding dress!

In all honesty, not much has changed over these past three years. Marriage didn’t alter us in any grandiose way. We are still two people in a relationship, just with the additional commitment from tying the knot. I always thought people would look at our relationship and think it a little odd, suffocating perhaps, because of the amount of time we spend together. But why would I not want to spend a lot of time with the person I love the most, with the person who not only is my husband but my best friend, the person I want to do life with?

I know, someone pass the sick bags please…

And now, more than ever, we’re spending a great deal of time together as we continue to travel Europe and plan the next stage of our lives. I won’t sugarcoat it, I don’t think many couples could do what we do, living in such close quarters, with nobody else to speak to for days, maybe even weeks, on end. I honestly couldn’t imagine it any other way. But what comes with such closeness, is the added task of ensuring you stay true to yourself. We each have hobbies and interests the other person doesn't, we take time for ourselves, and most importantly, we don’t berate the other person for wanting their own space.

I’ve learnt a lot about myself over the course of our relationship, as well as how to thrive as a couple. I’m not an expert by any means but after nearly nine years together, including those three years of marriage, you certainly learn a few things. Although I’m sure there are people who have been together a lot longer that could teach us a thing or two! The three biggest things I’ve learnt are simple in concept but difficult in practise: communicate with each other, have trust in the other person and respect one and other. Hard times will arise, from compromises to challenges to conflict, but I’ve found holding on to these three things has most definitely helped and given way to what I would deem a healthy relationship. We unite as a team but still keep our independence. We build each other up as opposed to dragging each other down. We don’t compete, resent, lie. We communicate, we have trust and we respect each other. And I hope from that we will continue on our path to many more years of marriage and celebrations over the years.

And now time for my little cheesy vomit-inducing love poem … enjoy 💜

It’s the way you pull me up when I’m down, 
to the way you make me laugh instead of frown.

It's the way your morning coffee makes you smile,
to our conversations that last for a while.

It's the way your hand fits in mine,
like it was always meant to combine.

From our first kiss and our first date, 
to our first argument, first debate.

My love for you keeps getting stronger,
and I pray it carries on much longer.

Anything is possible when I'm with you,
everything is better because we are a two.

I don't believe in soul mates but if I did, 
you'd have been my only bid.