Hello you
What do you think when you hear the term vulnerability?
The dictionary defines “vulnerable” as:
capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
open to attack or damage
The History of Vulnerable (taken from Merriam-Webster)
Vulnerable is ultimately derived from the Latin noun vulnus ("wound"). Vulnusled to the Latin verb vulnerare, meaning "to wound," and then to the Late Latin adjective vulnerabilis, which became vulnerable in English in the early 1600s. Vulnerable originally meant "capable of being physically wounded" or "having the power to wound" (the latter is now obsolete), but since the late 1600s, it has also been used figuratively to suggest a defenselessness against non-physical attacks. In other words, someone (or something) can be vulnerable to criticism or failure as well as to literal wounding.
Today I want to step away from the literal definition of the word and what I want to explore instead is vulnerability of the self, and how we can find power in vulnerability.
A couple of weeks ago, I published a post on Substack. It contained within it my very first voice recording. I never planned on doing these but in that moment, it felt like the right thing to do. But also in that moment I felt incredibly exposed. I had chosen to leave myself out on a ledge, waiting to be knocked off with a gust of shame or abuse or embarrassment. Or perhaps, I thought, I would be left on the ledge, cold, alone and feeling more exposed than ever before.
I’ve always thought of vulnerability as a negative thing, an inner narrative fed from a multitude of sources.
“Never show your true feelings.”
“Don’t let your guard down!”
“Keep that stiff upper lip in tact. Don’t let me see it quiver!”
“The less people know about you, the better.”
As I look back over the years I cringe slightly at my attitude, feeling embarrassed by how seriously I’ve taken myself. I built a wall around my truth, nervously on watch for someone to come along and spot a crack in the perfectly rendered façade. There are parts of all of us that we don’t really want to set free, parts we would rather remain locked nicely away in a box within a box within a box. But what happens when we start shedding the layers, when we open a box at a time to show that deeper layer of ourselves?
I’ve come to wonder lately if actually the best course of action isn't to hide away, but if in fact there is power in sharing our authentic self with the world, and if there is strength in being vulnerable. Brené Brown in her famous Ted Talk, The Power of Vulnerability, talks about this and I would encourage a listen. Brené is known for describing vulnerability as "uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure, and along with it being that “unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone or do something that forces us to loosen control.”
Stepping out of our comfort zone or loosening control can be terrifying thoughts for many of us, mainly because we can no longer control the outcome of the situation and also because it means opening ourselves up to emotions we spend time avoiding: fear, shame, rejection, heartbreak, embarrassment. But when I started to think about this more, I began to wonder how we can live a fulfilled life if we aren’t making ourselves vulnerable along the way?
How can we build meaningful relationships or connections if we can’t show our true selves to others?
How can we learn something new if we aren’t willing to feel the pain in being rubbish at first?
How can we love if we aren’t exposing ourselves to rejection or a broken heart?
How can we apply for a new job or change career if we aren’t willing to put ourselves out there?
How can we do anything meaningful with our lives without showing up wholly?
That day when I published that voice recording, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and, you know what, it felt really great. I wasn’t knocked off the ledge or left sitting alone regretting what I had done. Instead I remained perched, awash with support and gratitude and warmth. I’m not sure I will do it again but the more we do these little things, the more we step out of our comfort zone to face our fears, the more confident we become and the less we fear those negative emotions. Or rather, the better we become at being able to handle those negative emotions.
None of us are perfect, flaws run through our veins, fears flood our thoughts. I battle with a I’m-a-perfectionist-therefore-I-cannot-fail mindset. But I know that in order to grow I have to learn how to move past this and the only way I can do that is through exposing myself in various ways. In seeking the power of vulnerability.
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” Brené Brown
Much love always
Lyndsay xx
P.S I wanted to share the bulk of this article to everyone as I think it’s such an important topic. The journal prompts and added moment from me will remain to paid subscribers only.